[i'm too afraid to lose]

every other time
its been like the picture

him stabbing
me stabbing him

and we split down the sides
with hate and pretend
to be prisoners of our pain

my eyes are fading
[into sallow skin]
the windows all boarded up and
someone's written

[give up]

in foot tall letters down the hallway

each smile is
a shot to the stomach
[so stiff i can]
barely stand the blow

but i've got one hand propped
on the wall and i'm
leaning back into you

because i won't let the ifs
control me anymore

each day is sliding doors and
you're one floor below
me on the fire escape,

always
running out of lost blanks
i wasn't brave enough to fill in

i whisper love to your
closed eyelids
cause i'm too afraid to lose

on the off chance i'd laugh
and shy away like a caged bird
feathers all fluff to hide
[my thumping heart]